Yeah, yeah, I see what you guys might think.Skin by ShadowJournals
"Another vent already? Dude, isn't that a bit too much?"
Yeah, I get that.
It's just... Am I a bad person?
Ya see, I'm not that happy anymore these last few days.
And no, that's not cause of that one thing.
They have nothing to do with it, so don't go and attack please.
Lately a lot more people have showed hate/disgust towards me in real life.
Why? I don't know, apperently I did things wrong or I am just a weird creep.
People have been ignoring me, friends have been a bit more rude to me, others don't listen to me...
Sure, on here it's a whole different story.
But I just don't feel like people take me serious or don't want to talk to me.
I don't think I'm a good person at all.
Everytime when somone compliments me on here I just get the feeling it's not true.
There's always this voice in the background, dennying it.
Sure, I might thank ya for the compiment, but in my mind I'm like: "They must be lying, it can't be true."
I dunno, I never seen myself as a good person.
Some people think my personality is weird or just sick.
Others disgust me cause of my autism, cause I rage fast.
Then I had people who didn't like me for the things I drew/created.
And then you had people who just thought I am that weird person who no one wants to talk to.
I don't understand why I think so negative about myself, it just happens.
Lately I don't wanna do anything anymore, just draw and be an asocial fuck.
Maybe that's why people dislike me so much? Cause I'm different then most of the normal teenagers in Belgium?
Maybe it's cause of the things I did when I was younger?
Maybe it's cause I sometimes am depressive as fuck on school and other places, affecting others with it?
Or maybe people think I'm rude, even tho I didn't mean it like that?
I don't know it anymore...
I wonder when this will end, my pshychologist is trying his best to guide me through this.
I just dunno if only talking would help tho...
I just don't have any hope for me at all right now.
Sorry for wasting your precious time with this.
I will try to go back to my happy self now, or at least pretend that I am.